


Letting You Go is My Hardest Goodbye

by geeelatinnn



Category: SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt, IDK OK, M/M, Someone gets hurt, blame it in the rain, goddamn it, i hurt, just please, someone gets hurt and it's me, song prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25592335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geeelatinnn/pseuds/geeelatinnn
Summary: Watching him bob his head to the tune of his own humming, turning to smile at Juri from time to time, and just basking in his presence a little while more. Juri couldn't help himself any longer and pulled Taiga with him on the bed. He hugged him tightly as if it was the last time. He breathed in Taiga’s scent, his ever favorite scent. Closing his eyes and wishing time would stop right there and then, that he would be stuck in this place and time where only him and Taiga existed.
Relationships: Kyomoto Taiga/Tanaka Juri
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	Letting You Go is My Hardest Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so hear me out. There's this song "Let Me Be The One" by Jimmy Bondoc and it hurts, the lyrics hurts so damn much. And then, there's the rain, the never stopping rain tonight. Which combined together led me to writing this.
> 
> This is pretty raw and I only read it once to check for spelling mistakes but I skipped some parts because I was imagining it way too much it was starting to hurt me.
> 
> Not that I'm wishing anything bad to whoever is reading this but really the whole point is to feel hurt and if you weren't hurt then that means I failed and that means hit me up so I know what else needs working on. This was such a good prompt I hope I didn't let it go to waste.

Juri was counting down to the days until his grand dinner with Taiga. They have been too busy with all the promotions, rehearsals, album planning, and recordings going on. They haven’t had any decent time together lately and he wanted to shower Taiga with the love and attention Taiga deserved every chance that he got. He’d be willing to go the limits for Taiga: his ray of sunshine, the reason for his existence. Holding Taiga tightly in his arms was him holding up his whole world. Taiga, the center of his universe. His reason for breathing.

Taiga was counting off the days to Juri’s big surprise for him. He knew that Juri was taking him out for dinner but Juri never really did tell him about his whole plan. It was just like Juri to do so, he loved doing these little surprises for Taiga. He was always showered with love and affection by Juri. What more could he really ask for? Juri, who had been with him every step of the way. Juri who had him memorized like the back of his hand. Juri who, even with him not saying a word, knows just what it is that is bothering him and knowing in a snap of a finger what would make him feel better. Honestly, what would he ever do without Juri in his life?

“Hey, Juri, are you listening?” Taiga snapped his fingers right in front of Juri’s eyes to break him free from his daze.

They were seated at the side of the rehearsal room while on break. Taiga on Juri’s lap with Juri’s arm around him keeping him in place so as not to fall on the floor. They weren’t really afraid of being affectionate with each other anywhere, it’s not like the others weren’t used to them yet. Even the staff doesn’t even bat an eyelash. Heck everyone panics when they weren’t constantly touchy with each other. It just came so naturally for them, like it was how it was meant to be.

“I’m sorry, what was it again?”

Taiga chuckled. “Were you daydreaming?” He poked on Juri’s cheeks, teasing the other. “Anyway, I was thinking we should dress up, you know for dinner. Whatever you planned, I’m sure it’ll be great but can I at least be in on the fun. Let me dress you up~”

Right, dinner. It was in two days. Taiga’s really excited about it while Juri could not really share the same sentiment, even if he was already set. Even after he convinced himself over and over that he was going to do the right thing. True, he was counting down the days too just like Taiga but it was for a whole different reason.

Juri tried to mask what he really felt behind his smile. “Sure. How can I ever say no to you, right?”

“Sorry to interrupt you two lovebirds,” Kouchi made a gagging sound. “But Kyomo, you need to go run something with Hokuto for this song you two were supposed to be working on.”

“Got it!” Taiga said a little too enthusiastically as he got off Juri’s lap. “See you later.” He called out at Juri while waving his hand without even turning to look back.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” Kouchi took the seat besides Juri.

“What?” Juri feigned innocence, he damn well knew what Kouchi was talking about but would really rather have someone else say those things out loud rather than him.

“Kyomo and Hokuto. It's just… I really don't know what I'm saying here since it's unfamiliar territory for me and also you and Kyomo are...well always together." Kouchi was hesitant, afraid he might say the wrong thing. "Or maybe Kyomo and Hokuto have just been spending way too much time together. I'm starting to assume things."

It was true, Hokuto and Taiga were always together. Needing to have more time together to work on the harmonization of their low and high notes. And when they sing together their voice blends together perfectly like the last two pieces of a puzzle to complete the world.

At first it really didn't bother Juri. It was just work after all and everyone was just being professional. Until such a time that Taiga started talking more and more often about Hokuto even on their lazy free days or while they were waiting for sleep to take over one of them. They'd sometimes be out shopping and Taiga casually says something about Hokuto because he got reminded of him when he saw a certain item.

Things just clicked in Juri's mind as time passed by. As he saw how Taiga and Hokuto interacted with each other. He didn't read too much into Hokuto's action as Hokuto was gentle with everyone and besides, he didn't know Hokuto as well as he knew Taiga. He knew when Taiga was just interested. He knew when Taiga was just fascinated. And he knew when Taiga was in love. Years of watching over him told him the difference between the three. And Taiga's constant mention of Hokuto meant one of those things.

And yes if anyone were to ask the answer was yes. He was bothered with how big of an existence Hokuto was in Taiga's life. It was not even a work thing anymore. It wasn't also Juri just over thinking things. 

* * *

The night of their dinner Taiga was giddy going through Juri's closet. Finding the right combination that would fit perfectly with what he was wearing. Juri just sat down on his bed, content with just watching Taiga.

Watching him bob his head to the tune of his own humming, turning to smile at Juri from time to time, and just basking in his presence a little while more. Juri couldn't help himself any longer and pulled Taiga with him on the bed. He hugged him tightly as if it was the last time. He breathed in Taiga’s scent, his ever favorite scent. Closing his eyes and wishing time would stop right there and then, that he would be stuck in this place and time where only him and Taiga existed.

"Juri, we're going to be late."

"Just," Juri swallowed down hard to try and mask his voice breaking. "Just a little more, Taiga. Stay in my arms a little more. Let's just stay like this a little more, just us." He kissed the top of Taiga's head before leaning their foreheads against each other.

They made it to the restaurant just in time as the manager was just about to call them about their reservation. It was the same restaurant they went to on their first date, on the day Juri asked Taiga to be his boyfriend. Taiga was expecting to be led to the same table as that day but when they walked past it he thought maybe Juri just forgot.

But that wasn't it. It wasn't that Juri forgot. It was just he had a whole different plan. They were led further to the back of the restaurant and out the terrace which housed the gazebo that Taiga admired when they first went there, unfortunately it was reserved that night that Taiga could only marvel at it from afar. They were inching closer to the gazebo and Taiga’s eyes grew wide when they weren’t stopping anytime soon. Crossing the bridge of the small pond that separates the gazebo from the rest of the restaurant. 

“You were so bummed the first time I thought this would be a good idea. You don’t have to marvel at it from afar.”

Taiga clasped his hand on his hand as he gasped in amazement. There were rose petals all over the floor of the gazebo, an arrangement of red roses were the centerpiece of the single round table in the middle of the gazebo. He slowly turned around in a circle as he walked inside the gazebo, taking in every intricate detail of its interior he couldn’t see before. Juri went all out with this one, there was even a grand piano at the other end of the gazebo. He ran to Juri and hugged him tight.

“It’s beautiful. Thank you so much!”

“Come on. The food is getting cold.” Juri was holding him by the waist as he guided Taiga to his chair, pulling it back for Taiga to sit on before going around to sit on his own chair.

Juri had them prepare a variety of Taiga’s favorite food. He watched as Taiga ate his food, taking in every detail of Taiga’s face. He watched as Taiga looked around the gazebo while he ate. He kept his eyes on Taiga, just as he always did. Like nothing else mattered, like nothing else existed. Juri signaled at the waiter to call in the one who was supposed to play the piano for them. His heart started pounding, rather, it started to hurt. He closed his eyes as what he was about to do dawned on him, he had to take deep breaths to compose himself. He was not backing down from this, he was determined to do this. Right here, tonight. It’s now or never.

“Juri, are you okay?” Taiga asked.

But instead of answering, Juri stood up and pulled Taiga up from his seat. He put Taiga’s arms around his neck and placed his hands on Taiga’s hip. With their eyes locked on each other, they started to slow dance. A melody started playing on the piano but both of them were so immersed in just being with each other’s arms it didn’t matter anymore who was playing. Juri brought his hand up, rubbing his thumb over Taiga’s cheek before gently caressing his face with his whole hand, Taiga smiling at him. Juri smiled at him in return, his same old familiar wide smile that showed his teeth.

Taiga rested his head on Juri’s shoulder, closing his eyes and just feeling the song and Juri’s warmth. Nothing else mattered, it was just them. This whole moment just for them. Juri’s arm was firm on Taiga’s back while the other one was still on his hip. 

The melody started to change. And at first they were just dancing in place but this time they were moving little by little. Juri started to sing as he led their feet to where they were moving to.

**_Let me be the one to break it up_ **

**_So you don't have to make excuses_ **

Juri’s voice was breaking. It was getting harder and harder to fight back his tears.

**_We don't need to find a set up where_ **

**_Someone wins and someone loses_ **

The lyrics along with Juri’s shaking voice alarmed Taiga. He lifted up his head and looked at Juri. Juri gave him that sideway smile he does from time to time but tonight was different. Juri did plaster on that smile but tears were running down his face.

**_We just have to say our love was true_ **

**_But has now become a lie_ **

Taiga cupped Juri’s face with shaking hands, running his thumb over to wipe off Juri’s tears. “Juri.”

**_So I'm tellin' you I love you one last time_ **

**_And goodbye_ **

Taiga didn’t notice it until Juri gently sat him down on the piano’s chair. Juri not breaking eye contact, smiled at him, his same old toothy smile. Taiga was about to open his mouth but Juri suddenly kissed him, gentle and soft.

But this was different from all those affectionate kiss that they’ve shared before. It felt different. It felt like a goodbye.

Juri pulled away and leaned his forehead on Taiga’s. He chuckled nervously, taking Taiga’s hands in his. Rubbing on them gently with his thumb. “I love you, Taiga. I love you so much…” Juri swallowed a lump on his throat. “I love you so much I have to do this.” He let out another nervous chuckle. “Close your eyes.”

“Why?” Taiga felt scared. Even more so with Juri’s shaking voice and shaking hands.

“Just. Please. Close your eyes.”

Taiga furrowed his eyebrows, hesitant, but still complied with what Juri said. He felt Juri let go of his hand and their foreheads did not lean on together anymore. He heard hurried footsteps, going away from where he was seated. “Juri.” He called out but no one answered. He opened his eyes and Juri was gone. “Juri…” He was about to stand up and run after where Juri might have gone but someone behind him grabbed on his wrist.

Turning around Taiga found Hokuto behind him. “What are you… what are you doing here?”

“Juri asked me three things tonight. First, play the piano for you guys. Second, no matter what happens I should never let you run after him. And lastly, to give you this.” Hokuto handed Taiga an envelope.

From the way his name was written alone he already knew it was Juri’s handwriting. With shaking hands, Taiga took the envelope from Hokuto’s hand and opened it.  
  


_Taiga,_

_I’m sorry I couldn’t do this face to face. Maybe I’m not man enough. Maybe I’m a coward. But honestly it all boils down to me pretty much knowing I would just endlessly cry in front of you and wouldn’t be able to form coherent words._

_I’m not doing this because I don’t love you anymore. I’m doing this exactly because I love you. I love you so much and know you so well that I know I’m doing the right thing. For me. For us. Most especially for you._

_I’ve noticed it for a while now and maybe I was being selfish. I didn’t want to give you to anyone else, never wanted to, never planned to. But things happen when you least expect it. I never doubted your love for me, I hope you won’t think that but I also want you to realize what I realized soon._

_It’s Hokuto. I’ve known it all along, but yet I wanted to deny it. Keep you in my arms, make you happy until… until you smile at me the same way you smile at him. Until you look at me the way you look at him. I can tell, Taiga, as I said I know you like the back of my hand, I know you well enough to see your own feelings, to see the difference in how you look at Hokuto and how you look at me, I can tell because it’s the same way I look at you. How you seem to light up when talking about him._

_I’m not going to say anything more. I want you to think, Taiga. I want you to realize this on your own._

_I love you. But sometimes…. Sometimes love is just not enough._

_Juri_

Tears streamed down Taiga’s eyes. His whole body was shaking. “Juri…” He cried, the letter crumpling on his grip. His whole body felt weak. He wanted to scream but he couldn’t. He just cried his eyes out.

With tears clouding his vision it wasn’t easy for Juri to get back to his car. He bumped into a few people here and there, but he didn’t bother saying an apology. Afraid he might just break down in public if he so much as opened his mouth. Once inside the confinement of his car, he thumped his hands on his steering wheel. Wailing behind his tinted windows. His tears just kept on coming and his breath was uneven. He leaned back on his chair with both his hands on his face. He just cried on and on.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking time to read this. It warms my heart that someone out there took time to read my work. I am open to suggestions and comments. A kudos would make me smile knowing that someone out there liked what I put out :)
> 
> If you want to talk or have any suggestions or requests hit me up at Twitter @geeelatinnn


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